The Little Things of Love

Excuses!

A married man decided to work late to be with his sexy secretary, so
he called his wife to make up an excuse.

After work he invited his secretary to dinner. It soon became obvious
that he was going to get lucky, so the two went back to her apartment
and had great sex for two hours.

Afterward the fellow went to the bathroom to straighten up for the
trip home and noticed a huge hickey on his neck.

He panicked, wondering what he was going to tell his wife.

After the man unlocked his front door, his dog came bounding to greet
him. Aha, the man thought, and promptly fell to the carpet, pretending
to fight off the affectionate animal.

Holding his neck with one hand, he said, "Honey, look what the dog did
to my neck!"

"Hell, that's nothing" she answered, ripping open her blouse. "Look
what he did to my tits!"

==

Little Johnny

Little Johnnie sees his Daddy's car passing the play-ground and go
into the woods.

Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
'Passionate Embrace'.

Johnnie finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he
runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with
Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss,
then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy
take his pants off, then Aunt Jane layed down on the seat, then
Daddy.."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnnie, this is such an
interesting story. Suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I
want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnnie to tell his story, so Johnnie
starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing,
laying down on the seat, and...

"...then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Bill
used to do when Daddy was in the army."

==

Disgraced family

A young girl was going on a date.

Her grandmother said, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys."

"He is going to try and kiss you, you are going to like that, but
don't let him do that.

He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that
but don't let him do that.

But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to have
his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do
that.

It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had
predicted, "Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he
tried, I just turned over, got on top of him, and disgraced HIS
family..."

Granny fainted!

==

Sexual exhaustion

An English professor told her students that there would be no excuse
for not showing up for their final exam, except for serious injury,
illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

A smartass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme
sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the
student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "You can write with your
other hand."