Crude Jokes

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.

Q. What do you call a woman with her tongue sticking out?
A. A lesbian with a hard-on.

Q. Who's the world's greatest athlete?
A. The guy who finishes first and third in a masturbation contest.

Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn't know her first name was "Always."

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking she's going to eat me.

Q. Why do men die before their wives?
A. They want to.

Q. How do men sort out their laundry?
A. Filthy, and filthy but wearable.

Q. Three words to ruin a man's ego...
A. "Is it in?"

Q. What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?
A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

Q. What's the definition of trust?
A. Two cannibals giving each other a blowjob

Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?
A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

Q. How do you know when your wife is really dead?
A. Your sex life is the same but your washing pile gets bigger.

Q. Why is a woman's pussy like a warm toilet seat?
A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A. He buys 2 cases of beer instead of one.

Q. What is the difference between a female snowman and a male snowman?
A. Snowballs.

Q. What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?
A. Men always miss them.